Why does living life with integrity matter?

At times, it has seemed that it doesn't. Sometimes all it seems to bring is strife. Difficulty. Skidmore is the most salient example, but many a St. Nersess session has been up there, too. There are numerous examples in my life, as well as, I'm sure all of our lives.

But it does matter. It does.

By living our lives with integrity, we become a beacon of light. We become someone that others can admire, and strive to live their lives in that way. Renew hope. Show that it's possible. Hopefully those actions don't testify to our own greatness, but to God's. Thus, by living with integrity, and being complimented for it, we can then turn it into its own testimony. You can have it either say something about you, or about God. I think that the latter (if you draw on him to begin with) is way cooler. So, that gets people thinking. That's good.

The other part about living life with integrity is that, even when we (I) feel like it's a hindrance to what I want to achieve, it can achieve something more. By being this light, we can encourage others to be this light. The more integrity, the more others do right. The more others do right, the less pain in the world. The less hurt. The less neglect. The less loneliness. The less fear of doing right. I know this, because I've been encouraged by the light in others. Encouraged by the individual who is a person of integrity, and gets it done the right way. It reminds me why that's important.

Integrity-what is right-let me give you a hint: in the end, it wins. Maybe it's because you're surrounded by people of character and have depth to your friendships. Maybe it's because God then gives you a greater platform to speak from. Maybe it's because you get a tangible reward, like a scholarship or promotion. Maybe you don't "get what you deserve" in this life (society's latest catch phrase), but you do in the next. And those fighting for what should be will always have a greater sense of conviction behind them than those who fighting for something with no idea behind it, or those fighting to dominate and define based on faulty logic.

It's like those good old war sentiments that Winston expressed "Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the hard may be; for without victory there is no survival." And here, survival isn't mere survival, but the survival of what is good.

In general, I've also tried to answer why "being yourself"/authentic matters. I'm a big believer in that, but why do I ultimately think that all these things matter?

I haven't lived long, but I've lived long enough to know that I need to know who I am, and I have to like it (which means I have to still be growing). I'll consider everyone's feedback and the current context, but ultimately I don't want to end up a watered version of myself. Not only would I not be as strong as I could be, but I would have (and have had) mass amounts of confusion, regret etc. I truly believe that knowing who you are (though it is, and should be, always changing) will help you be the most powerful person that you can become. I'm not talking about a power scheme. I'm talking about being a person who is a powerful force in this world.

I have a clear end-goal when I work with kids, whether counseling kids at camps or working as an RA or on track with freshman runners. It is not that they be/want to be more like me. It's that they be/want to be more like themselves. I want them to be able to see the value in that, to see what it brings, and to carry those traits into the world. I want them to be freed from the fear of thinking being yourself is not okay, that you have to fit in, or that the best version of yourself is not good enough. I hope that they see that because someone that they like is that way. Then I'd like them to see that they can fit making good choices within that personality, whatever that personality is. Both halves are key to the puzzle. Kids aren't just going to adopt making good choices if you don't help show them how it can fit into who they are or their lives.

Meeting people, or even seeing the batch of ball players AND the new manager, who I feel exemplify these traits, reminds me how powerful it is to be yourself. I believe that people want to know it's okay. And only then can we fully appreciate and use all the traits that God gave us! But sometimes that entails fighting to hold on. God's there, but we also have to do our part. There are so many sources of possible dilution around. And the traits that God gave me? They make me uniquely well suited to work with kids. And I've held onto those qualities, sometimes only through my determination to "be authentic." Everyone has their own ways in which they can impact the world by recognizing, appreciating, fostering, and yes, sometimes holding fast to the qualities that God has given us. If we don't do this, perhaps we end up giving up the qualities that God gave us, and miss opportunities to do good because we're too concerned about what other people think of us.

Never a bad time to insert this quote, which basically sums up everything that went through my mind and the previous ten paragraphs in a much more eloquent way :)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Conclusion:

These little moments? They matter. What I do in all of them matters. Integrity matters. Authenticity matters. And not just to me.

They can change the world. And they can testify to the light.