Dream dude

I have been thinking a little bit about Dream Dude lately. What exactly does that entail? I think if the dude met most of the things on this list, he'd be a pretty perfect match. I like differences. They help us to grow. But I'm also big into compatibility.

Overall, I feel like I've done a fairly good job making decisions in the male department. I'm not perfect. Sometimes you get a little hurt, sometimes you do the hurting. Obviously it's good to try to minimize both by taking those as learning experiences, and I've tried to do that.

So below (in order from least to most important) is my list of gentleman caller preferences. They're not only things that I'd prefer. They're also things that I think that I'd be most compatible with.

15) Has an idea with how my mind works and is good at channeling that energy, challenging me, or comforting me.

14) Stable. Financially, mentally, etc. We don't need to be rolling or well-off, and sometimes exceptional circumstances occur that I'd be happy to weather. But I do think having a steady job in something that dream dude enjoys and is survivable on (preferably with me just working part time when kids roll around) is important.

13) Does not smoke, does not drink to excess, does not regularly swear (I'm okay with it if it's a finger shut in the car door a few times a year or something). Not hot-tempered, but not afraid to stick to his guns either.

12) Caring. Shows care through small things and sacrifices, like doing taking out the trash or bringing home a cookie (I LIKE COOKIES, OKAY?!?!?). I know that I have an easy time being selfless and caring, and if not much comes back in, that does eventually create a strain for me.

11) Accepts and likes about me the things that I value most about myself (e.g. integrity, sticking to values, being authentic).

10) Good communication- Able to have serious and funny conversations. Able to at some point discuss something that may be bothering him. I tend to like verbal boys.

9) Active. I would like a person who would like to do things, whether a hike, a picnic, throw a baseball, play a sport. At the same time, he should have perspective on the greater importance of other things in life. I think because I'm a little 'manly' (or at least not a typical female) with regards to activity, I like it when someone is a bit more manly than I am aka likes to do things too.

8) Somewhere in the middle of the introversion/extroversion continuum. I would do very poorly with someone who needed to go out every weekend night. I would also do poorly with someone who always needs to stay home or doesn't like mixing with different people. It'd be nice to have someone who is the middle.

7) Good with money- # 1 reason for conflict in marriage, or so they say? I tend to save in order to save or donate. I like gradually acquiring some good quality or unique items, but I'm not a spendthrift. Is he okay with saving? Living below or within our means? Donating a significant portion of our income? Not addicted to buying 'toys' we can't afford?

6) Good with kids- For all the obvious reasons, plus that I think it's so attractive when a guy is good with kids. That will help keep me appreciative and in love over the decades, too. Plus I think we have an obligation to our future kids to think about whether someone's a good baby daddy. This guy should be good with a wide array of kids too, not just 'good kids.'

5) Good humored. Life is hard. Sometimes you just have to laugh about it. Sometimes it's not the big laughs...it's the daily little laughs. A good sense of humor is important.

4) Wise or life smart. While I would prefer someone who is overall intelligent because it makes for good conversation on many topics (books, current events etc), I'm also willing to see past that if the dude is life-smart/wise and works hard. It's more important to live fulfilled and well than to know the square root of 495035 to the hundredth. Plus I just love hardworking visionaries.

3) Genuinely kind. Genuine kindness is more important to me than being funny. I can do that. If he's kind to me and can sometimes make me laugh, that'd go a long way.

2) 'Real' faith- essentially, not offer cliches. Real faith. Apparent in actions, words, decisions and interactions. Also apparent in community activism. I say real, because I don't want him to heed contrived fears that don't exist. I'm cautious in how I choose to work with under-served populations, but I do want to always be working with them in some capacity. He has to be able to 'roll' with that and be comfortable interacting with African brothers and sisters or kids in the hood. You have to 'be real' (but not fake) to do that. I'd also like him to challenge and help me grow in faith.

The faith part is #1, but the 'real' part is why it's #2. It's just a bit more rare to be a realistic expectation.

1) Lives with integrity. Makes every decision, including the hard ones, based on an internal code of integrity. I am able to forgive mistakes from decisions made with integrity. I would have a hard time respecting someone without this. Plus, it makes you prone to bad situations, whether it's affairs, bad business choices etc. Also, I see marriage somewhat as a fortress. I'd like the home to be somewhere that I can retreat to gain strength to make those difficult decisions that I need to make, too (with respect to integrity).


So hopefully there's a dude out there SOMEWHAT similar to this. It's a long-shot for sure, and I'm  open to some compromise if most of the other areas are filled. We all have weaknesses. These would just be weaknesses or differences that would make somebody significantly less compatible with me (and me to him).

Hopefully at some point The Big Dude will point me to dream dude!