I am drawn, like moth to flame, to the people who "keep it real."

Salty superficiality, obsequiousness and disingenuous conversation leave a bitter aftertaste.

KIND yet unflinching honesty reveals truth,

And truth is the foundation to trust. 

There are all kinds of people who keep it real. 

Another way to look at it is authenticity. 

I am drawn to Michelle Obama because she keeps it real when she's talking to you. She stays present. She doesn't give lip service. She didn't try to adopt a role that was not her;

She took the role and made it her own. Yes, she wants to help her husband get votes, but not at the expense of sacrificing who she is. Instead, she uses who she is. 

I get authenticity and "keeping it real" on a day-to-day basis, too,
from friends like Stephanie H., Rheanna M., Alison D., Helen C., Arpi, CatholicBibleStudyGirlz (they keep it real and honest, so they get the z)

All are kind, funny, honest people who know who they are, don't strive to portray anything different, 

And aren't afraid of being themselves.

Being yourself is opening the door to others loving you for WHO you are, and that being enough for them. What a wonderful opportunity to have, to never doubt if people would like "the real you."

Being real aka yourself also opens you up to others NOT liking you (or simply feeling indifferent) for WHO you are, and that not being enough for others.

You have to be open to experiencing both like and dislike, and that can be hard. Really, really hard. 

Often the question is: what's enough for me? What can I live with? What can I die with?

For me, it's a struggle that re-emerges throughout the year,

Though in reality I know the answer even before I ask the question,

It is:

There is far more potential for good to come to the world when I'm being who I am, versus when I'm not being who I am. 

When I'm authentic, kids run to it. Shy yet kind people can approach it. I get joy from it. I'm more brave. Patients feel its hug in a HospitalWorld that often functions through route actions and words. I can do something that I wouldn't be able to do if I were trying to be everybody else, because everybody else would have already done it. 

If I chose not to use my gifts and be who I am, I would be denying myself the opportunity of doing what I was meant to do. 
Why would I choose being another shmoozer over that?

But that temptation is still there. 

Those days still come that make that seem more appetizing to the palate. 

Even though at my core I still believe in being real, and try to work at becoming the best version of myself that I can be, 

There are times when I'm waiting for the friends who are also genuine, who aren't just out there taking pictures or pretending to be friends for image.

There are times when I'm waiting for the people out there who are going to help me grow, and who ALSO appreciates the qualities about myself that I like and want to keep,

And help call out and temper others. TheBadOnes.
I'm not an advocate of being honest and jerk. I mean honest with who you are, where you're at, and what you're trying to do better. 

Anyhow, there are times I don't find the genuine ones right away.

I think wanting to compromise from time to time is normal. Grappling with how to balance authenticity with current circumstances is normal. 

I think that's okay. 

And sometimes the grappling can last weeks. 

And I think that's also normal, no matter how you try to sermonize it. Sometimes there are just courses and emotions that we're all supposed to go through, and rushing it unintentionally delays acceptance. And real inner growth. Realization of why you're doing what you're doing. Conviction. 

But the pursuit, and sometimes, battle for authentic peace is definitely something to stay on top of. 

And when authentic peace comes, it's all worth it. 

And when those people come, it's all worth it. 

I can trust their truth.
They can trust my truth.

They will not always tell me what I want to hear, 

But what I need to hear. 

So, as I walk through this debate again in my mind, it can be hard. It can hurt. I may be authentic while hating myself for it at the same time.

But here is what I ultimately know for sure:
The truth will set you free.