I was just thinking about what to tell my young friend. She's 10, and entering those middle childhood years, which are wrought with trying experiences.
Said cousin is 1) often looking for verbal feedback and 2) more frequently discussing what others think of her e.g. that it's not cool to work hard etc.
What will I say to her next time she says something to me?
I won't tell her that it doesn't matter (it does when you're that age), nor will I tell her that she should be proud etc (as I often do).
I'm going to ask her "Well what do you think of you? Do you like you? How can you be better? Do you think it's going to end up being cool or serving you well to work hard and be smart?"
Because ultimately we have to live with ourselves.
If we are good judges of our own character, and, for the most part, like ourselves, then teasing and taunting and exclusion shouldn't dissuade us from our true character and spirit.
If we don't, well then maybe there's things to change. Maybe others are right. I'm a fan of suspending all defensiveness until after considering feedback. There's usually a grain of truth.
Either way, it means more to us if we're the ones making realizations, and it's more useful in the long run.
As for the first sentence of the post, do I 1) look for verbal feedback and 2) complain about what others think about me? Yes. And it really shouldn't matter if I'm looking within and feel strongly about where my values and beliefs are derived from. If they're coming from a good place, I just have to trust that they'll serve me well and the current suffering will not be in vain.
And so my own solution to someone else's dilemma ended up being the solution to some of my recent dilemma's, too.
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