Disclaimer

Because it's the way of the world.

You realize in your heart that a couple of guys are just not right for you, and you break things off,

And other guys do the same.

You know, I haven't always done that with dignity, and I regret that, but I don't regret breaking things off with any guy. 

-The Harvard-educated, published 8-times at Wash U, socialite med student who just didn't have the moral character that would move me past attraction and the enjoyment of talking to each other in the dorm.

-The guy who was very nice in every regard, but who was just not right for me

-The guy who was fun, but whose behavior was just guided by a different compass. 

There have been guys who have ended things, too. 

And I don't fault them for that.

It's better to find out  now then to find out later.

And I have learned something from each person...

I've learned to go with your gut, because releasing someone who you know can find a better fit can be the best thing for them, and you. I did definitely learn that I need to be clear and kind in the releasing. 

I've learned that the bad week that passes after a guy does the same. I've learned that three or four years later he will apologize for the context. And I learned to avoid the charmers, who are used to getting what they want. 

I've learned that I need a guy who is a homie with the big guy, and a homie with people who aren't homies with the big guy. I like the outreach of friendship, of sharing burdens, and of helping carry and being carried by people of all different faiths. I also want to be challenged to grow.

I've learned that guys, INCLUDING Christian guys, aren't always who they portray, as well intentioned as they may be. I've learned the value of a chat with people who know them in a different context. 

And honestly, I've learned that there are seriously nice, awesome guys out there, who want more than I'm willing to give any guy before marriage. Which happens all. the. time. after you turn 23.

But I wouldn't change the repercussions of my choices. I don't regret those.
Which is a nice thing to realize around the holiday season, when couple photos in newly decorated apartments with two glasses of wine spring up on social media,
And RomCom's spring up on TV.
I have taken accountability for my actions, and I cannot do anything more than that.

And so each day, I just will continue to give thanks for what I have (hot water, a safe home, food, a phone call from a friend, air, parents, security), because it would be ungrateful for me to do any less than that.