I will call this entry #ThingsMarriedPeopleDo #ThingsEngagedPeopleDo #ThingsCoupledPeopleDo
Or it could just be termed #ThingsThatAnnoySinglePeopleAllOverTheWorld.
I added the hashtags because somehow that makes it seem cooler and/or more legitimate.
Much of the time, I'm one of the few who can honestly belt out Beyonce's Single Ladies at a wedding. Because I'm 25 and sans a ring on it. Or with a person who will maybe put a ring on it (though if anyone asks, I am partial to ring pops).
Recently, I have tried to avoid any number of MarriedPeople comments. I have de-activated facebook. I have turned my ears off. I have bit my tongue 80,000 times, then 80,000 more. I have even blocked one friends' status updates due to her WEEKLY paeans about her husband and their marriage (y'all can write each other cards, you know!). Generally, I just let the comments roll off of me, because let me be clear about this:
I know-- KNOW that none of my friends or the people who say these things mean them in the way that I am about to translate them. But I also know that I'm NOT the only one who interprets things this way (even briefly), so watching words might not go amiss. Your single friends will thank you/fawn over you/buy you gifts/give you their first $1,000,000. Adequate incentive?
Also, let me say that I am so happy for my coupled/married friends. I WANT them to put their marriages first. I actually LOVE my friends' husbands. This post is just about the way my life is portrayed by comments. It's about the difference between being second vs FEELING second. It's not about jealousy. I am HAPPY for my friends. Again, it's just about ways to not diminish the single people of the world and their journeys.
Without further delay, here is my list of #ThingsThatAnnoySinglePeopleAllOverTheWorld.
#5 Do you want to do something tonight? [Lover's name] is at work, and I'm all by my lonesome self.
Translation: You have nothing better to do tonight, and you need me to distract you from your loneliness tonight, even though I spend every night all by my lonesome self. You're married, so getting together has to be on your time when you need it now. You weren't lonely enough to get together with me on other nights, so I should gratefully pause my Lizzie McGuire reruns and run out the door.
#4 I'm so lonely on this [two hour] car ride without [Lover].
Translation: My whole life is miserable. You can't endure 2 hours alone, and this is my whole life. Also, I secretly think that you're lame, because I have a lot of fun on my car rides serenading my deaf imaginary friends. And dancing. Mostly dancing. Driving with hands is kinda optional in the midwest. Knees work pretty well when driving straight for 6 hours.
#3 My life didn't have meaning before kids
Translation: My life has no meaning. I just don't know it yet. The organizations that I volunteer with, the work, that I do, and the friends that I have fun with all pale in comparison to the meaning that your life has. My issue is NOT that people think this is true, because I imagine it's true. It's simply saying it to single people. It implies that our childless lives are meaningless, and that however much we do, it will never be as meaningful as yours.
#2 This has been the happiest year of my life (via facebook status or to non-close friends. This is okay when asked about married life by a close yet single friend)
Translation: The first year of marriage is great. It is by far the happiest that you'll ever be, except, oh, you may never have the happiest year of your life. Too bad. You don't know how sad you are yet. You and your poor, sad life. Note: You can just say that "its been pretty great" or something like that.
#1 You'll be next/I hope the same for you/It'll come when you least expect it/Dedicate this time to God etc etc
Translation: I think that maybe you'll be next, but I don't really know. I'm going to tell you that, because it will make me feel better, even though neither I nor you have no muffin clue who may be next or ever. Same thing with all other cliches. It also makes it sound like the whole point of my life is to get married. I hope that I do, but if I don't, it implies that singleness isn't okay. And y'all, I've dedicated this time to God AND haven't expected it for WAY longer than you, who tied that knot at 23 after dating for 6 years. The reality is that marriage MAY come at some point, and it's not a question of dedication. I'll use this time, but single people don't want to hear about how they are SO lucky to have this time to dedicate to God when they really want a family and some kids without cutting out a life-sized Luke Bryan poster and stealing some kids from the grocery store.
Basically, I'm sure that some people think that some people will think that this is over-sensitive, and taken alone, it is...but this sentiment snowballs from "just registering" to "fairly annoying" when stated 4000x.
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