I have raised a generation. 

Of girls. 

Of boys. 

And I'm on the next. 

That is my gift. 

Making children feel loved. 

Making children feel important. 

Making children feel like they WANT to be their best selves. 

Engaging them with humor and managing dynamics. 

My special skill is probably with boys. Not because I'm any better with them than girls. Just probably because a lot of females don't know how to channel the energy, or don't try (or worse yet, try but use their gender as currency). Many girls don't know how to race them, then settle them. Don't know how to joke but enforce with teenage boys while working around tender egos. 

Thanks to God, I do. 

And sometimes I get frustrated. Because I am beloved by so many, and I know at least 4 much younger boys, who have said in different ways "I want to marry someone like you someday" (5 if you include my little cousin:). And I wonder "why are there none of these guys around in MY age category?! Where are they hiding? These are boys who take themselves to church! Whose faith is important to them. And whose personalities I adore."

I keep things "older sister," and I'm happy to encourage them in their values, which I think are important. 

But sometimes in life I feel unprotected. Unguarded. I don't have any guy watching out for me, and sometimes I wish for that.

Tonight I got to really spend time with a new generation of kids in my church who were only 6 or 7 when I left for college. And they're awesome. And there were some new kids with forced attendance who, after an hour, seem to be loving it. Who seem to be surprised, contemplating God and these fun people. 

And we played sardines in the dark. Jonah, whom I've babysat for since he was an infant...and even a week every summer...I couldn't help but feel his little brother concern. I couldn't help but feel a new boy's attempt to protect in dark hallways. I politely assured them that I'm fine and went on with branching out to find the "sardine," but it made me appreciate that

Maybe I don't have one guy watching out for me

Maybe I have 100. 

I've been at peace lately with the fact that I may not get married, and it's God's will that I want ruling my life, even if it means relinquishing the whole "married life" dream. 

I was grateful for the opportunity to remember tonight, though, that just because you don't mean "the world" to one person, it doesn't mean that you don't mean something to the world.