Loving this artist this week

Tomorrow I leave for NYC to pick up Rheanna.
We'll stay at my grandparents' house for the night, then leave for JFK in the am.

Rheanna is my best friend from OT school.
This has been a pipe dream of ours from our first year. "If we graduate and we're still single, lets go to Europe and speak in British accents together."
We've postponed planning this trip twice, but a month ago, we decided to just go for it.
And we are.

I got a pretty new dress and bracelet. I'm borrowing 2 of Rachel's shirts. I packed all my clothes into a carry-on. I am ready to go.

What I'm most looking forward to? My tour of Normandy.
Second on the list? Seeing Helen (my British Roommate at St Andrews)

We're going to London, Portsmouth, Normandy and Paris.
Thanks to overbooking, we got a free upgrade to a hotel that's typically $350 a night (we have it for 100$). Adventures shall be plenty and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun.

Au revior.

I love living with a roommate.

On Sunday we sang that song Come ye sinners which has the lyric "In the arms of my dear savior, there are ten thousand charms." 

I have to think that one of the big, great, mighty ways that God has taken care of me was with my fabulous roommate. 

Rachel and I didn't know each other until December 2014. We don't even have a single photograph together yet. 

She's upbeat, kind, confident, and a bit goofy. And well-educated/spoken.

So when she proposed we be roommates, my general reaction was "let's not feel pressure to be more friends than whatever we grow into, but I think we'll get along well."

It has been so fun. 

First of all, neither of us brought a lot of stuff, so there's nothing. to. pick. up. It's so liberating. 

For whatever reason, it's much more fun to cook, clean, and make my bed than it was at home, so I'm building good habits. 

But we've also cracked up over the blathroom, swam in pools, talked about 

"I love this song."

"I don't really know this."

Sings a bit early

"Rachel [Platten] is a little off-beat today"

which results in peals of laughter driving down the highway. Plus good stories. Embarrassing moments.

I also love my co-workers. Yesterday Sherry was in Joan's room treating. I walked in to say hi, even though I had already seen her. Erin walked in afterwards. We ended up having an impromptu dance party, with Sherry doing "The Leg," me doing the jack-knife, and Erin doing the shopping cart. Our little aphasic Joan cracked up. I love working with her.

Today we laughed about Sherry's pronounced sternocleidomastoid. A formerly almost completely non-communicative patient surprised us all, when he commented on a different body part that we were talking about. Hilarious.

Also
Tony: Where did you get the BEAUTIFUL tan?
Patient: It's jaundice

hahahaha. So terrible but really happened. Thankfully the patient had a sense of humor as we all watched in horror.

My co-OT's nickname is Mama C. My nickname is JDiddy. We also have the Asian Assassin and Swole P. Some days are more fun than others, but I share them all with hilarious co-workers. 

Funny

I have lived in my new home for a week.
It is ah-mazing.

I go to work. On the way home is the gym (I had a little back pain. Between my boss, stim, stretches, and strengthening, praise God, it's gone). I make dinner, wash dishes, weed, do some reading or studying outside, and read into the night.

My neighborhood is a half-mile long circle on top of a big hill. It's very neighborly, because you walk and drive around the circle.

I've met all my neighbors, and we see each other often.

I've also met some folks from around the corner.

Setting: Front driveway. Joyce is cleaning roller blades
Context: The region's very first Sonic drive-in opened this week

Joyce: Hello!
Neighbor 1: Hello! Welcome to the neighborhood! I can see you're applying for a job at sonic
Joyce: Oh, the rollerblades? Haha I'm not that good yet. If I worked for Sonic, I would end up owing them for all the drinks I would accidentally throw at patrons.
Neighbor 2: Oh hahaha. Well if you ever need anyone to practice on...
Joyce: I will deliver soft drinks to your doors on my skates


_____

Setting 2: Bringing groceries in from my car across the street
Players: little girl (running), her mom, old man

Joyce: I'm going to get you!
Girl: hehehehehe (runs away)
Joyce: Oh, you're to fast for me! Nice to meet you though.
Mom: She's so fast.
Mom (turning to elderly man): So did you tell Joyce that you got a new girlfriend yet?
Joyce: Haha! That's funny, because my name is Joyce. (turns to old man) You got a new girlfriend!?!

Joyce is a 85 year old lady who invited Rachel and I to her neighborhood walking group.

So meeting neighbors is fun.


Also funny:

Sherry: Did you hear about how C***** peed in the fax machine today?
Joyce: Wait, he just went in the corner and peed on the fax machine?
Sherry: Well, he actually walked into the conference room and peed on it. I guess he thought it was a urinal.


I have a patient right now with dementia who is HILARIOUS.  She is making my whole day. Some people are aggressively confused. She is pleasantly confused. I am really enjoying my caseload right now.

After scouring the internet for school OT jobs this weekend (joking but only kind of) and feeling locked in, I went into work on Monday feeling a bit forlorn.

My policy is never to talk behind someone's back unless I talked with them about it first. Now, I spoke to Don on Thursday. Friday was still tough, and I was still stewing about the ridiculousness of it all on Monday. 

I was ticked. Yeah. 

Don is also my friend. He, Erin, Sherry and I routinely share laughs, and he has said many times that if we weren't there, he'd have quit long before now (when he was still functioning as the social worker on top of rehab director). 

So when I went in on Monday and did a transfer that resulted in quite painful pain, and he and I were the only ones in the office, I was a little bit on the verge of tears. "I want you to know that I was really frustrated by that scheduling over the weekend. My back has been painful for awhile, and you were aware of it. I know you want what's best for the patients because I'll do the lifts, but that's not fair to me either. And I won't be able to do them for long. I know I could do something else, but it would really suck to only get to work as an OT for a year and a half because a back injury."

Cue almost-tears. 

But then Don worked his outpatient evaluation magic, some manual therapy, and made me feel better about everything. He brought me a TENS unit, and said that if he had to transfer every one of my patients out of bed every day, he would do that. I have to accept help (which I have done twice). This week has been blissfully light. I get to keep my favorite patient who is a maximal assist, but otherwise have a supervision to moderate assist schedule. It has been so much more pleasant, and I don't have near as much pain. 

I am sure that I will start to build back up, but at least now I know that I CAN do the job. I still may keep one eye out for a pediatric position, but at least I don't feel like I have to choose between being an OT and ruining my body. At least I don't feel trapped. 

Erin and I went out for post-documentation ice cream sundaes this Tuesday. I can't say enough about how lucky I am with her, or Don. I don't know where my career will take me, but while I'm here, I'm enjoying it. 

Haha. A year ago I posted this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxsdiusm1NQ

Habits and character really do win so much of the time. 

Today at work my fav co-worker (Erin, the other OT), accidentally thought my foot was her chair at lunch. "Um, Erin, this is really sweet and all, but you can stop playing footsie with me now." Hilarious. 

In not so cool work news, I realized that the reason why my back hurts is because I have a 90/10 schedule: 90% Max assist lifts and 10% CGA or better. The OTAs all have 10/90 schedules. My boss said that it's because he knows that I will stand them and I'm more experienced (um, by like -10 years). However, as I have been complaining of back pain for 2 weeks, I didn't appreciate that so much. Just so you know it's not all rosy all the time in Joyceland. I was ticked off about that discrepancy, even if I didn't have pain. However, he promised to give me a light week next week. I need it. And after that's over, there's NO way I'm going back to 90/10. The OTAs get breaks every 2 hours, pay less insurance, get more vacation, and have a light lift load. All but the last thing is because the union, and you don't need a masters degree to transfer someone. Plus I have to write tons more notes and all the evals (with Erin), and now cover their productivity. 

I won't lie. I am freaking out a little about my back. I don't want to regret not being able to pick up my kids because I wanted to tough out another year or three. I had no lifting in pediatrics, but those job opportunities are scarce. I know God will bring the right opportunity at the right time, though. 

I was going to write a post about all my frustrations. You know. Legit frustrations and concerns with care that have most of the (fabulous) rehab department looking for other jobs because

well...I won't write that post. 

My struggle now is to find joy in the midst of this new, frustrating circumstance. 

Because my days are filled with walking through hostile hallways and covert conferences and telling my (awesome) boss not to talk to me in the therapy office (because I'm on the verge of tears)

What am I supposed to learn here?

Long-suffering

Having higher standards than others (thank God for Erin, Sherry and Don)

How a good friend can make a hard circumstance manageable

To trust God to open a door at some point, and love until then

That I can thank God for the free time and the grass and bunnies after work

That God is love and God is hope and nothing is too great and he can change care. Circle the nursing home (highly recommend Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker, by the way)

Submission to God's plan if this is where I'm at for awhile

How to be a light in the midst of darkness

How to take those critical mass moments and breathe through them

How to be blessed by my patients when the staff is difficult

How to see God in everyone

Spend more time on my knees

Depend less on my circumstances and more on my savior for joy

I guess that's a fair start. It's a lot.

It's a good purpose. 

My Most Perfect Day

Wake up exhausted

Pull it together (aka throw on scrubs and contacts)

Work with funny people

Leftover ribs for lunch

More funny people

Come home

Sew my teapot square for my quilt

Read about Patton

A bit of core

Read le Bible

Bed

Evenings like this are complete bliss

Y'all (stories that begin in St. Louis bring that vocab out).

I heard Rachel Platten's song 1,000 Ships on my winter break between 2011 and 2012. 

After googling the lyrics, I googled Rachel's Tour Schedule. 

One of the delightful things about living in the Lou is that it's one of the few big connecting cities between the east coast and west coast. Most big musicians stop their on tour, and so do the little ones.

I went alone to the little concert at the Old Rock House (http://joycey223.blogspot.com/search?q=rachel+platten). I loooooooooooved all of Rachel's songs. I went to the concert intending not to buy anything, but after hearing her set, I broke (plus it was only $8 or something). Let me tell you, I listened to that CD more than any other that I own. 

Rachel is drop-dead gorgeous in the way that no girl can be jealous of, because she's so graceful, kind and gracious. I don't know her personally aside from a 1-minute conversation and an autographed CD, but I've followed her intermittently since. 

Seven months ago, I stumbled upon a video of Rachel Platten singing a new song for a woman with an inoperable brain tumor. I listened to it a few times. This week at work, instead of our usual country channel, we turned to the pop/rock channel and I was shocked to hear it! I love that this girl is killing it. 

This is my fight song!

Comfort corners can be death traps

Everybody needs some love. Even those who don't look like it.

Go and live a big and daring life

Go the distance for love

So I've been meaning to look at apartments, but I just never seemed to get around to calling apartment buildings during my workday to schedule a viewing. Plus, I hosted my first big family gathering (mother's day) and was gone a couple weekends. 

Then I got a message from a friend of a friend, Rachel. Rachel went to same church growing up as one of my high school best friends, Liz, and a family friend, Alison. This winter, I met Rachel when the four of us got together to do Christmas Crafts.

My first impression was that she was stylish and outgoing. She looked classy. I didn't feel all that sociable that day, to be honest, but it was nice to meet someone else in their mid-20s living at home her with mom and dad to save money. She mentioned at the last event that she was looking to buy a townhouse in this complex. She didn't mention a roommate, and I didn't bring it up. 

A couple days ago she contacted me about living together. We met up and discussed the details. She had turned down a couple people who had requested to move in with her, but thought of me. I thought about it for a couple days (commute, distance, pros and cons) before being all in. 

Unfortunately, then things got complicated on the work front (no, I wasn't in trouble). They've mostly resolved. I will definitely be moving in with Rachel now. Here's a photo tour of the new digs. 

I am excited that we have a yard and a little patio. At this point in life, I feel like settling. The thought of not being able to garden a little in an apartment was making me sad. 

The living room. On the right is the dining area. 

Kitchen with all new appliances

Upstairs bathroom

My room

I will pay a reasonable amount (less than for a 1-bedroom in the area I was looking) and have a lot more space. I also enjoy having a roommate. It's fun to have someone to come home to when you want. I think that we'll be pretty compatible. It is inevitable that we'll have some things come up, but overall, I think that we'll handle that well. We're of the same mindset where it'll be fun to do some stuff together, but also keep up with our separate social groups. 

Another bonus: She is furnishing the entire thing (except my room). I have a lot of nice kitchen stuff from my grandparents, who sold their FL condo to be here full-time, and I will buy some bookshelves, but other than that, it's on her. 

Move-in for me will probably be in mid-June to early-July. I'll move in kitchen items, let her move in, and then move in a week or so later so she can set up things the way that she'd like them. 

This basically sums up how I feel this weekend. Sometimes, life is hard and filled with big decisions. Sometimes, things aren't as great as you thought they would be. 

Everything moves but God. I thank God for big decisions, because I know that He is still good, and He is still in control. They're an opportunity to trample Satan. God will be faithful.

The crazy thing is that I am not an employee of God. How much I am loved or valued isn't based on performance. He doesn't need me for his purposes. I mean, I think he intends to use us all, and that is a gift to be used, but God is able to show others through other means how much he loves them. He is not confined to working through us. 

I am not an employee. I don't need to be cheerful enough or funny enough or perform enough to be loved more. 

No, because how great is the love the Father has lavished, that we should be called His children!

Jesus. Yours? Really? 

You love children simply because they are yours. Because they are a piece of you. You love children because you know them, and you know that (even when they screw up), their intentions usually aren't bad. You know your child's hurts and strengths.

You rejoice in their performance. It gives you pleasure as a parent, but not anymore love. 

And your children are never grown to you. They're always young. Always lacking a bit of your hard fought for wisdom. 

Jesus loves me. He loves you. He loves us all. 

And despite whatever happens professionally, I never have to fear that love leaving. I may frustrate my Father, but he specializes in grace and mercy. He longs to hear my reconciliation and confession. He wants a thank-you note for all the wonderful He has given me. 

It took me a long time to realize that I am not loved any more or any less based on what friends are around me now. It certainly is nice to be appreciated at work. We've got a fun rehab team! We're friends! But I have to accept, whether I'm lacking friends, or a boyfriend, or family approval, or anything, I am not lacking in God's love. 

Whatever circumstances I'm in right now are what God has deemed best for my life. Because I am His child and he works for the good of ALL his children. 

And you know what...right now I LOVE my life.

It's pretty fun. 

I'm in 10th grade AP Global or Honors English, and I see him.

There's chemistry, and I think we both feel it.

But I also know something else. 

That's the year that I learned to tell that

there is a difference between being attracted to someone and allowing myself to like someone.
Because I always felt torn. Conflicted. 

Attraction isn't based on character or morals or values or anything. It's just that easy feeling of talking together, laughing together, looking forward to passing by each other in the halls.
Attraction is easy and it's a high. 

And one of the hardest things in life is fighting it. 

I crushed a little, but then I decided that I was attracted to Alex*, and did not necessarily like him in a way that made any sense to date. Because the possibility of marriage has always kinda been the purpose of dating to me. 

So I fought it. 

And even all these years later, I'm glad I did. 

There's a guy at my new job (same parent company, closer to home), and it's that. Attraction. 

And it's hard. It's easy to want to throw away all of who you are sometimes when you enjoy who someone else is 

Because you can know in your head that it's not something to go for, but you see them, and they make you smile and laugh as you shake your head. 

It's easy to get caught up in the feeling, and hard to hold onto the thread of truth:

The basis for a good relationship is sacrifice for a common goal and common values and The Other. 

The end goal isn't to be happy. It's to refine you. 

But one cute guy that cares for your patients well can make you want to unlearn all that 

There's just a couple strands of thread that hold you back. 

But there ARE strands holding you back, and that's important. 

Here's what I cling to:

Mantra: "He's better off with someone else. I'm better off with someone else."

Logic: How would this pan out down the road when attraction eventually wears out? Competence is hot, but so are faith and love.

Morals: This guy isn't married, but obviously if they are, that's a no-never-no-at-all-costs. Adultery isn't okay. Ever. You don't do that to a sister. You don't do that to a brother. You don't do that to sacred vows. You wouldn't want to marry someone wondering if they would do the same thing (leave) you. 

Prayer: Through God, all things are possible. Even waiting or living life forever entirely single. The joy of the Lord can be my strength and fight the enemy's stronghold. Because when you look at what God really said, he never said that you're alone. Or a loser. Or strange. Or have something wrong with you. He says I know you intimately and am with you always. You are fearfully and wonderfully made [by ME]. I have plans for you, that no one else can complete. Your life has purpose. I see you. You. Are. Loved. 

Good books: Nothing like Jane Austen or Francine Rivers to remind me why waiting for the right guy is worthwhile. Sometimes fiction helps us imagine better. Imagine the full plan. I would never cheer for a heroine to run after the guy that I'm attracted to now. It just screams STAY AWAY.

Ultimately, I want a quality guy. Or none. Because being in conflict with a guy who won't stay home with his kids, who won't have a similar parenting philosophy, or will have huge bad habits is worse than being alone and making a way in my relatively-happy-sometimes-lonely life.

So I will continue to fight attraction, as evidence mounts until the day that I'm glad that I held out. Backed out.

It ain't pretty to admit it, but I'd venture that I'm not the only person in the world that has struggled with this. And some married people probably do too. But do you know what's easier than ending a bad relationship/marriage? Not starting one. So when you know it (like me), don't do it.

Remember that who you're attracted to may not be completely in your control, but what we choose to do with it is. 

So for the first 22 minutes, we were all answering professionally and intelligently. Then this happened (Lori A chatroom leader for Journal Club for Hand Therapists)

Lori A
How did the researchers enroll the participants?
Joyce D
They paid them each a sum of $4,000,000.00
Joyce D
(just kidding)
Bibianna L
hahah

Which opened the door later for...
Kay E.
I like the PEM questions including "fiddly things".
janet a
grip, PEM, number of therapy sessions & time to RTW
Lori A
The secondary outcome measures were grip strength at 6 and 8 weeks post repair, part 2 of the Patient Evaluation Measure (PEM) at 6 and 12 weeks post repair with slight modification of the wording, the number of therapy sessions attended, and time to return to work.
Ronnie M
I liked "fiddly things" too
Joyce D
Me three
Ronnie M
Gonna start using that

Standardized outcome measure questionnaire question "When I try to use my hand for fiddly things, it is now"

Anyhow, I also answered about power and effect size and error types etc, but oh yes I did and oh yes it was fun!

I finished my birth to 18 photo album this past weekend, which contains 50 of my favorite photos. What I realized tonight was this: I picked exactly one of the photos because I liked what I was wearing (a fav outfit that I wore 2x a week for 2+ years). That's it. All the others were of me covered in paint, playing outside, looking sassy while standing in a bucket of water, laughing in the lake, or surrounded by family and friends.

A truly full and happy life isn't at ALL about/reflected by the clothes we/our kids/our parents/our friends wear in pictures or blogs. Our lives about the beloveds in them, the little moments, the messy joy, what the pictures make us feel, how our joy soaks up a page.

A more in-depth reflection of the year is probably coming.

Here's a short post, however, on what I hope to see/do in 2015

-Do a solo overnight bike tour (read: carry tent and supplies)

-Camp in the backyard more (just for fun)
-Learn new survival skills (finding location with compass, making fire without matches or flint)

-Move out

-Take a trip (possibly abroad)

-See Rheanna

-Do an upper extremity continuing education course

-1x/month create learning sheet on clinical case

-Spend time deliberating before making any purchases over 50$

-1x a month, be a kid

-Bake bread cheerfully - 6x a year

-Rooms not clean? 15 minute max online

-Let God hijack my prayer life

-Take more walks

-Ride my bike for errands (weather permitting) on weekends

-Rejoice in hard work and labor
-Sew homemade gifts for close relatives

-Serve more (those in my family, those in my workplace, those in my community) 

Best of Country 2014

My 5 favorite country songs of 2014

Christmas cards

I decided that I'm cool enough this year to send out solo photo Christmas cards.

Because really, who doesn't like them more than the art one anyways?

And do my close friends and immediate family members want to see my face any less (if for no other reason than curiosity) just because I don't have a hunka hunka next to me?

My friends are scattered across the United States, and I may not see them often, but we're joined by shared experiences and the memories of some crazy nights racing roller chairs down the dorm hallways. 

Or running into the North Sea.

Or going into the Dead Sea. 

I don't want to let those friendships or memories go. 

My life is permanently fused to Rheanna's from OT school. 

I love and miss my Bible study peeps at WashU!

Dr. King? I doubt that I will ever be so blessed to have such a mentor again in my life. 

That lady is Girl-Power redefined, with a turbo-engine, and a few loose screws. 

I have Armenian friends I want to keep up with and a British friend I want to continue to stay in touch with.

I don't want to wait until I'm 60 and finally married to send out happy photo cards.

I'm happy right now, and I want to share it with you and return the joy I get from seeing YOUR photo cards

Whether you're solo or married or photographed with your grandmas. 

It's all worth celebrating! Go grandma's! 

Two days until I have them in my hands! Hopefully they come out well.

God and cool things

If you don't want to read about miracles or God, this post isn't for you. No offense taken. I just like having a documented history of my life. 

I went back in my online journal because it's that time of the year when my college roommate attempted suicide.

I went back, because while I've always recognized my going back to the room (class cancelled when I got there, backpack in the library. Paper due in two hours) as divine intervention, since it made no sense, 

it was the first time that I realize that it wasn't just "God"

But the Holy Spirit part of the trinity. 

I've been missing out, man.
I've been attending a non-denominational church lately. Something that was brought up in a documentary that we watched recently was that there's been a silent divorce in the church between those adhering to the power of the scripture and those believing in the power of the spirit. Both are correct, but like any divorce, some go with the mother, and some with the father.
I think that's pretty accurate. We desperately need both. And instead of throwing scripture at people who are uncertain, aren't we all initially looking for an encounter with the spirit?

I prayed in my car awhile back for the Lord to show me new and different ways to pray. I was on my way to a church's used bookstore that was started by a former classmate of mine. I'd been there 3 or 4 times before. How hilarious that when I got there, that very hour, the pastor was talking with another young girl. He asked his daughter, my classmate, and her sister to pray with them, and also asked me to join them. We all laid hands on her, and I felt so much power coursing through them. It was seriously electricity. I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't been looking for it, but there it was nonetheless. What was it?

I continued going to soccer on Wednesdays, but checking the church's website for their midweek service. Well, it turned out that they changed it to Thursdays, a day I could make. I went and sat in the back next to a man who had overdosed and gone to heaven (pronounced dead and everything). I had been contemplating a lot about Heaven and near death experiences, since I had recently read Heaven is for Real, and he basically confirmed everything. He went from a drug addict to a believer overnight. He'd met Jesus. How could he not? So nix that nagging question of whether all faiths believe the same God, or if Christianity is valid and the real faith. Proof of Heaven is a good book that also explores this. This skeptical neurosurgeon's brain was literally destroyed prior to/during his near death experience, confirming to him that it was not crazy random firing that led to him experiencing the Father. So cool.

Well my life has changed tremendously. I find myself living more of a one-piece life. I don't pray on the way to work and on the way home and then run from room to room to do treatment. I don't get angry or frustrated. I serve. It's all in.
Because I feel the spirit with me. Because I feel so much joy I want to serve everywhere. At home. At work. At the food pantry.

Because in his presence is fullness of joy. Because the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Because I've learned to listen and feel the nudging of the spirit. And I've learned how to pray honestly, and to feel the power of the spirit when I pray prayers pleasing to God.

First, everything that Pastor Tammy prayed for me came to pass.

I've had the gift of a good, clear, vivid dream from God, who preached patience. 

I've felt unburdened from the weight of our current family struggles.

I've felt joy when serving others, including my family, and find my actions, guided by the spirit aligned with and adjustable by scripture. 

And then there was this big miracle. Tuesday 10/25/14.

Part of the documentary movie involved watching followers of Christ demonstrating how they follow the holy spirit to bring healing. They went on a whirlwind adventure of the world, and were literally told by God who to pray for, for what, and would see the blind recover sight, those with bone fusions move, those with pain healed. Just to share that Jesus loves them with them. They were strangers, and yet the follower would hear from the spirit that the stranger needed his wrist healed, and his mom needed her kidney healed etc etc. It would be true.

Now, we have to be careful not to reduce the Lord to a magician. I believe that these gentlemen were spirit-led in deciding who to approach, and the power of the Jesus' and the Father healed them as the spirit filled them. Most of them were skeptics or unbelievers, and they weren't pressured to convert. It was just "Jesus loves you so much, man. And He wants you to know how much."

On Tuesday (five days after watching this), I was struggling with the thought of whether the spirit/healing "their gift" or whether that's something anyone can learn to do.
I was in the shower thinking "What would I do, God? How would I know if it's you? I wonder what I would ask for if I could ask for anything to be healed in me if someone offered. Is it as simple as asking for God to take my back pain away? Though really, I think I'd ask for him to take my anterior pelvic tilt away, because that would take away the root of the problem, not the symptom."

I've been doing exercises and stretches for the last year to try to correct my anterior pelvic tilt. A PT identified it years ago in high school, and it's very pronounced. Also, my my hamstrings are so tight. I could not put my leg up on my bed and lean forward due to tightness. I mean more than 5 degrees of leaning forward and I could go no farther.
So uncomfortable, and worrisome to me. I know that tilt leads to wear and tear on everything, too...knees, upper back, etc etc.
I try to have good posture, but it's so uncomfortable, and I haven't really been able to maintain it for more than a minute or two.

I'll be honest with you. I didn't really feel anything insanely supernatural right away.

Not through faith of my own (I believed that He could do things like that THROUGH other people TO other people), He chose to reveal himself to me in such a tangible way. I stepped out of the shower and caught sight of my new alignment in the mirror. I was astonished. I was completely relaxed with the most neutral pelvic tilt I've ever seen. I closed my eyes and opened them, relaxed, and it was still there.
So I tested it. I put my leg on the counter, and easily and comfortably brought my forehead to my knee. I couldn't believe it! Praise God! As an OT, I've worried about my heightened risk for back injury with my pelvic tilt, and the Lord seriously healed my back. It feels so young! All evening I felt things I had never felt before...that it can be comfortable to sleep on ones back, and that I can now press my back flat against the bed if I wanted to. I could do a SPLIT. I've NEVER been able to do that.

It was basically like the Lord changed my bones and ligaments and tendons for me. It is UNcomfortable for me to try to stand with tilt now.
I basically cried that God chose to do this to show his love towards me, especially when I was filled with such skepticism,  in a way that I could know that it was HIM. I know science. I know joint angles. I am wary of the placebo effect. It wasn't just "oh, my pain went away."
It was pelvic tilt, hamstring flexibility, new abilities, changes I can confirm over and over again. I can literally see my knees when I'm standing for the first time ever (with anterior pelvic tilt and the resulting hyperextended knees I haven't been able to).
I know it sounds nuts.
But it's SO TRUE.
And it's SO comfortable to stand and sit!

I can still stretch my hamstrings fully.
I've been working at that so long by my own power. It just shows how it pales in comparison to the Lord's. It also shows how limited my skills as an OT are. Sometimes, God may choose to heal through my work. But HE has all the power to heal...not I. My own stretches and efforts fell short for myself. He did something that I would have considered impossible, but the Lord has his power that isn't limited by my imagination. Continuing to grow in my journey with the Lord, and the Spirit, can help me know whether God wants me to pray over others for similar healing in the future.

I now know what He can do. And I am in complete and total awe from it. 

First World Problems

My month of service is going pretty well.

I'm trying to stave out laziness and replace it with joy. 

It's hard to serve others. Especially when the last eight years of my life were focused solely on me. 

My homework

My tests

My workload

My room. 

But being part of a family means more responsibilities. 

And responsibilities I often don't feel like. 

Sometimes I used to beg my mom to let me trade chores with my brother. "I hate vacuuming, and he doesn't mind, and I like dusting. I don't want to vacuum. Can't I dust?" 

My mom, in her wisdom, would say "Tough. There's things I don't want to do all the time that I have to do, and I don't get a choice."

If I were just trying to minimize laziness, I could do chores begrudgingly. Bitterly. But you know what? That doesn't lead to a very happy life. 

When I consider all the gifts that I've been given

A family that lets me stay at home while I get my feet on the ground

Food

Shelter

Dishes

Doing a bit of work doesn't seem so bad. 

Taking the burden off my mom? That seems kinda fun. 

Because once you have joy, you want to share it. 

I've realized that if I tap into my heart to serve, not my mind (which doesn't usually "feel like it"), I can get more accomplished. Heart can beat mind, every time. Not that I'm there yet, but I know I'm getting closer to it. 

The older I get, the more scary all the responsibilities become.
You know, I think that my generation is the messiest generation there is. And we own more stuff than any generation before us. Some of us don't even know another way but messy. It's sad, because how neat you keep your house as an adult becomes an extension of how neat you kept your room as a kid. I was a neat-freak through about age 10, then I got into the Clothes Pile phase. In school I was always too busy, but what's my excuse now? I don't feel like it?

So anyhow, I decided it was time to start feeling like it in my heart. I have victories and failures, but at least I'm making some progress.